So, the Nov 1 deadline past. I made it out alright, although it was super stressful. While I was working on everything, those college apps started to get me thinking about my college life. I began imagining what activities I could do and places I could go-- and then I realized that in all the scenarios I was making up, my current friends were with me. I had to stop myself because when I get to college I know that won’t be the way it’ll be. They won’t be with me.
It’s difficult to think about leaving the people that I’ve been cultivating these friendships with for the past five years. Five years is a long time. That’s more than a quarter but less than a third of my life. It’s been so long that I’m not sure how I’ll do without my friends by my side. They’ve been there when I’ve wanted help on homework, food from their lunches, or just needed someone to cry on and babble incoherently to. But, they’ve also been with me sharing these five years of maturation, memories, and self-discovery. I’ve gotten a taste of what it’d be like to be without them during summers when I was out of town-- and my summers sucked because of that reason. However, I can’t begin to think about what it’ll feel like for the rest of my life.
And… this is where the worry mill starts churning. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay in touch with all my friends after I go to college. Will those friendships dissolve once we leave Uni? Will we still talk? Will we try to have get togethers? Will there be falling-outs? Will we all become strangers? Are all my friends just friends by proximity? I’m not sure how to answer any of those questions. But, as college gets closer, they start to appear more often in my mind.
I know I’ll make more friends in college. However, I’m really horrible at that. There are those rare instances when I just click with someone and we’re instantly friends, but most of the time it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I do the thing where I overthink everything that I say to the point where I rarely say anything. I can tell when I’ll get along with people really well, but it’s just the fear of scaring them off that makes me crawl back into my shell.
I guess, no matter what happens, a thing I can always count on having are the memories I’ve created over the past 5 years. I’ll cherish them for the rest of my life.
Colleges are filled with people of all types, I promise you that you will find a group to fit into... This post is very honest, as the reader I feed into your emotion and it made me think about my friends. Good luck with everything to come (in a year), really nice post :)
ReplyDeleteEven as a Junior, I feel the same ways as you do. The thought that me and my friends will inevitably become strangers if we go to different colleges scares me. But luckily for me, I have 1.5 more years to spend with my friends.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post, and honestly, I've been wondering the same thing. It's so true that in the college scenarios, I imagine my current friends!! I love you though, and I'll always be there for you to incoherently babble too. This was a really thoughtful post and make me wanna be all like the gif I sent you today. But you know, you never know how things will end up, who you will still be in touch with years after your last meeting.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure this is a fear we all have as upperclassmen in high school. If you go to the same college as your current friends, such as the U of I, you can keep in touch easily. There's always social media as well. But I think the best thing to do is to be open to others and make new friends.
ReplyDeleteRelatable post :)
It is weird to think that we'll soon be off to college (seniors before juniors, but still, not too far off in either case), but I think that with all of the innovations in technology, it should be easy enough to at least keep contact with old friends. I wouldn't worry about it, but that's just my perspective (or at least what I tell myself to push these fears away from my mind.
ReplyDeleteIt's really a crazy idea to me that I've known some people at Uni for five, six, seven years, and some almost my entire life. It's one of those things that's like, okay, since I'm only 17 and 8.5 years is literally half the time that I've been alive, it makes long-term friendships feel that much more intense. I've known all the seniors for at least 1/3 of my life, and that just makes all the connections I've formed feel so much more intense. I'm really nervous about going to college, but I also have one of those creeping fears that I'll get stuck in my high school friendships and like, cling to them. It's all so foggy right now, I can't even think about it!
ReplyDeleteReally good post though, Lizzy; you articulate a lot of the worries I and others have and I appreciate that a lot -- I tend to get overwhelmed when I think about stuff like this and lose my points more than I'd like to admit. <3
I agree that it is really hard to imagine going to college and not staying in touch with my current friends. I hope that we will still be able to stay in touch and that I will be able to form new friendships in college.
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