So, the Nov 1 deadline past. I made it out alright, although it was super stressful. While I was working on everything, those college apps started to get me thinking about my college life. I began imagining what activities I could do and places I could go-- and then I realized that in all the scenarios I was making up, my current friends were with me. I had to stop myself because when I get to college I know that won’t be the way it’ll be. They won’t be with me.
It’s difficult to think about leaving the people that I’ve been cultivating these friendships with for the past five years. Five years is a long time. That’s more than a quarter but less than a third of my life. It’s been so long that I’m not sure how I’ll do without my friends by my side. They’ve been there when I’ve wanted help on homework, food from their lunches, or just needed someone to cry on and babble incoherently to. But, they’ve also been with me sharing these five years of maturation, memories, and self-discovery. I’ve gotten a taste of what it’d be like to be without them during summers when I was out of town-- and my summers sucked because of that reason. However, I can’t begin to think about what it’ll feel like for the rest of my life.
And… this is where the worry mill starts churning. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay in touch with all my friends after I go to college. Will those friendships dissolve once we leave Uni? Will we still talk? Will we try to have get togethers? Will there be falling-outs? Will we all become strangers? Are all my friends just friends by proximity? I’m not sure how to answer any of those questions. But, as college gets closer, they start to appear more often in my mind.
I know I’ll make more friends in college. However, I’m really horrible at that. There are those rare instances when I just click with someone and we’re instantly friends, but most of the time it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I do the thing where I overthink everything that I say to the point where I rarely say anything. I can tell when I’ll get along with people really well, but it’s just the fear of scaring them off that makes me crawl back into my shell.
I guess, no matter what happens, a thing I can always count on having are the memories I’ve created over the past 5 years. I’ll cherish them for the rest of my life.
